


pragmatism

by novoaa1



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Soft Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, and short, cause they're really soft, cuz they're soft, idk ok just read it i guess, its like. a different kind of angst, its sad but they still love each other, just a drabble cause i have a lot of feelings, like its not angst cause they wanna break up or anything if that makes sense, they both need a hug really, they say I love you a lot, they're bout to get married tho! so thats exciting, this is real angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novoaa1/pseuds/novoaa1
Summary: “Wait… so if we’re married now, does that mean my name is Kara Luthor?”Lena nearly chokes on her wine. "What?"





	pragmatism

**Author's Note:**

> idk this just came into my head its real angsty but i love their dynamic sooooo
> 
> yep. haven't really edited it, just kinda wrote it in an hour and hit publish so i will come back and edit, but right now i'm really jet-lagged and need sleep
> 
> (and i'm still definitely working on the next chapter for the kid lena au but idk i just did this as a little break from that)

“Wait… so if we’re married now, does that mean my name is Kara Luthor?”

 

Lena nearly chokes on her wine. “What?”

 

“Last names, Lee,” Kara replies easily, then rolls onto her stomach atop the cushions, propping her face up on her hands and staring at Lena with wide-eyed interest.

 

Lena, for her part, sits cross-legged on the couch with slightly parted lips, the neat blueprints she’d been revising for a new L-Corp chemotherapy-adjacent technology to treat breast cancer completely forgotten in her lap as she sets her wine glass aside with trembling hands. 

 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she quips (though she takes care to keep her words gentle) with a note of forced humor. “I’d never be so cruel as to do something like that.”

 

Kara frowns, a slight pout on cute pink lips, a crease forming between her brows that Lena longs to smooth away—it’s probably the most heart-wrenchingly adorable thing she's ever seen. 

 

“Something like what?”

 

Lena feels her lips quirk upwards to form something like a smile, even if it is slightly bitter—it makes her glad for the wine in her belly, the soft buzz in her skull to distract from the uneasiness roiling in her gut. 

 

“Chaining you to the Luthor name. You don’t deserve that, and you never have.”

 

Immediately, Kara is pushing herself up to sit cross-legged facing Lena, both knees pressing softly into Lena’s thigh. “Lena… "

 

“It’s not self-pity, Kara. It’s just..” she trails off, looking for the word. “Pragmatism,” she finishes decisively, reaching for her wine and drawing another sip—she doesn’t feel nearly intoxicated enough to be having this conversation right now. “If people knew you were intertwined so deeply with the likes of me… well, I—"

 

“But that’s just it, Lee,” Kara argues, cerulean-blue eyes filled with sincerity. (It makes Lena’s chest ache.) “I _want_ people to know that I’m yours and you’re mine and that we love each other. Don’t you?”

 

Lena bites her lip, eyes beginning to burn.

 

“Of course I want that, darling. More than anything.” She pauses then, fiddling with the pen in her hands, and Kara—loving, attentive, _perfect_ Kara—waits patiently as she searches for the words. “But it’s been a specter over my life; you've seen it, Kar. There are so many people whom I’ve never met in this world that _despise_ me for being a part of the Luthor legacy, for _existing_. They send those horrible death threats in my mail every day and try to have me assassinated on the weekly without caring who I am or what I’ve done or that I’ve been trying to distance myself from Lex ever since he spiraled into madness.” 

 

A tear travels down her cheek, and her voice trembles dangerously despite herself. 

 

“And you know the worst part? The worst part is I don’t really blame them, okay? The worst part is, they’re _right_ to be wary of me. And you should be, too—”

 

“Lena, you know that won’t work,” Kara intones gently, taking one of Lena’s hands in both of hers and stroking feather-light patterns into the skin. “You _know_ I’m not gonna let you push me away again.”

 

“I know, darling. I know,” Lena whispers, hating and loving that reality in equal parts as she fights to keep more tears from falling. “But I can’t… I need to keep this distance, okay? I need to _protect_ you from this.” 

 

Kara shakes her head defiantly, and Lena can practically _feel_ herself crumbling even as she scolds herself harshly for it. 

 

“What if I don’t want to be protected?” she points out earnestly, blue-eyed gaze sparkling with steely determination, and Lena feels like breaking. "I _want_ people to know about us—I-I want people to know I love you, because I do so _so_ much and I have the hardest time stopping myself from flying to the highest rooftop of National City to tell everyone with ears that you’re mine and I’m yours and we’re gonna get _married_ and that it’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life.” 

 

Lena’s crying now, full on, tears streaming down both cheeks that she hasn’t a chance in _hell_ of stopping because someone loves her, Kara Danvers _loves_ her, and they’re going to be married and happy and _married_ , and it’s doing inexplicable things to her bleeding heart even as she pleads wordlessly with her girlfr—with her _fiancée_ —to understand.

 

“I love you, Kar. So much,” she manages through weak sniffles and relentless tears, taking a brief moment to be glad she’d taken her makeup off hours ago when the fingers she uses to wipe at her face coming back stained only with salty tears and no traces of matte-black mascara. “But that’s why I’m doing this, okay? I-I can’t risk this. _Us_. Do you understand?”

 

Kara’s brows furrow, and the crease between them grows deeper—again, Lena fights _hard_ against the near over-powering urge to reach forward and soothe it with her thumb, because it's as if she physically can’t _take_ it when Kara’s upset, especially not when she herself is the reason.

 

God, this hurts. 

 

“I don’t… because how would changing my last name risk what we have?”

 

Lena takes in a shuddering breath, attempting to gather herself. 

 

(She doesn’t think she does all that well.) 

 

“You’d hate me for it, after a while. You’d resent me for letting you make that mistake, for making you a target—"

 

“Lena, I could never hate you,” Kara interrupts firmly, squeezing Lena’s hand tightly between her own. “I _love_ you."

 

Lena sniffles, shaking her head emphatically despite Kara’s simple but cripplingly exquisite words that sink deep into her bones, leaving an exhilarating fire in its wake, one that Lena loathes to revel in (though heaven knows she does it anyhow) every single time. 

 

“Kara, I-I can’t let you do this—I-I can’t because I’m selfish, I’m _so_ selfish and I’m sorry for that but I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone before, and I can’t lose you because I think it would break me worse than anything else ever has, a-and I don’t want to know what that feels like, okay?” 

 

A sob escapes her throat, a humiliating and _desperate_ noise that deepens the heated blush tinging her cheeks, but she can scarcely find it in herself to care—no, she needs to tell Kara this, to make her _understand_ , to keep her from making one of the worst mistakes of her life because Lena knows damn well that that’s exactly what is: a mistake. 

 

(Even if Kara doesn’t.)

 

“I-I want you to be _free_ —don’t you see that? I don’t want anyone to ever doubt how incredible you are, how capable, how _beautiful_ … I-I want them to see what _I_ see, unhindered by the fact that you married a Luthor, of all people.” 

 

Kara’s crying now, tears glistening in ocean-blue irises but Lena is too and she can see the enduring stubbornness in Kara’s teary gaze (one of the many reasons Lena loves her so desperately), knows damn well she hasn’t made an inch of progress in all of this—she needs to change that, needs it more than anything, needs it like she needs food or water or _Kara_ , because she doesn’t know what the _hell_ she’s going to do if she ruins the best goddamned thing she’s ever known by failing to stop her. 

 

"You’re going to live a long life, you know? Longer than I will—that’s for sure. I want—I want you to be _free_ from all of it after I’m gone, or if there comes a day when the people gunning for me finally succeed—I-I can’t d—"

 

“Please stop,” Kara whispers quietly, and Lena’s heart _breaks_ at the wholly devastated look on her features. “Please don’t—don’t talk about you leaving, alright? I don’t—I don’t want to talk about you leaving, I don’t—I don't want you to leave, I—"

 

“Shh,” Lena quickly stops her, curling both hands around her neck and leaning forward to plant a soft kiss at her temple, relishing in the warmth she finds there as Kara leans willingly into the tender embrace.

 

“Lee?” Kara asks after a long moment, her voice hoarse and _broken_ —Lena curls her shaking arms around her tighter, affection blooming in her ribcage as Kara nuzzles instinctively into her chest. 

 

“Yes, darling?”

 

Kara sniffles against her, her hand caressing softly at the bare skin of Lena’s thigh. “Can we not talk about this anymore? I know we should later, but… Not right now?”

 

Lena lets out a sigh, stroking Kara’s wavy blonde locks in a soothing motion. “Of course, Kar.” 

 

“I love you, Lena Luthor,” she mumbles into Lena’s chest, curling an arm securely around her waist and squeezing gently, and Lena’s heart threatens to burst with care and affection and _love_. 

 

Smiling softly to herself, she leans to press another kiss to Kara’s forehead, relishing in the arm around her waist and the deft fingers rubbing tenderly at her thigh. 

 

“I love you, Kara Danvers."

**Author's Note:**

> would love to know your thoughts!
> 
> also had an idea for a scene to go with this where karas like 'but what about our kids? they could b called luthor' and then lena chokes on her wine again and they have a talk
> 
> but really idk. i'm lazy so who knows
> 
> (my [tumblr](https://psyches.co.vu/))


End file.
